|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| It's been a while since I wrote. Not much is there to say. Reading provokes thought, and thought fuels the motivation to write. Maybe it is due to my lack of active reading that I find my fingers linger above my keyboard, unable to decide which keys to strike. Although I have not read much lately, I have managed to entertain myself with a couple of "alternative" and somewhat "disturbing" films. Films stimulate senses with both sound and imagery with little left for the imagination sometimes. The audience is coerced to interpret the images created by the film maker. However the film makes sense to the audience is completely a personal affair. After watching The Blind Beast and The Realm of The Senses, both quite dated (1970s) and coincidentally focus on the same topic of sex and decadence, I am made aware of the boundaries of what defines humanity.
In both movies, the main characters undergo a "descent". Here I loosely quote a line spoken in The Blind Beast "As we started the ritual of drinking each others' blood, we began our journey of our descent away from the world of humans, into the world of the insects. A world of pure tactile sensation... For those who descent, there is no return, what awaits in the end is the unavoidably cold and dankly death."
This statement spoken at the very end of the movie left me with a lot of thought. Aside from the grotesque portrayals of its characters and scenery, the movie manages to explore humanity thoroughly and on a very fundamental level. It removes all boundaries on thought and destroys what defines us as humans. It allows its characters to develop without any moral and logical restraint, and in the end shows us what becomes of them. Although I can be quite a hedonist sometimes, but here I realize that some boundaries are not meant to be crossed.
The Realm of The Senses focuses more on sexual depravity of a couples. It is very similar to The Blind Beast since both movies seem to focus on a very primal, instinctual thirst for pleasure. Its characters not bonded by any social rules eventually develops an insatiable appetite for lust which lead to their ultimate destruction. ... tbc
| | |
| after all that about moving out, i am still gonna be stuck in champaign... a part of me is relieved. i guess unknowingly, i was stressed about moving to chicago a little bit too. a part of me is disappointed... because nothing is going to change... except for maybe myself.
I really want to change, for the better. more than anything, i want my mentality to change. my only comforting thought is that for my mind to mature, a change of environment isn't necessary. if i am ready to accept new responsibilities and become more adult, that change comes from within.
i am well aware of the fact that things are easier said than done.
but this urge to break through myself is almost frustrating enough for me to burst.
may i change in this upcoming semester and grow...
| | |
| 2008 is here much faster than my liking. -_- before u know it, its gonna be 2010 and i am gonna feel so old and miserable.. >.<
but, doesnt mean i dont welcome 2008 tho. hopefully its gonna be a better year than 2007! :) i figure if each brand new year is a lil bit better than the last, then by the time i am 75, id be having the time of my life! :P
anyway, 2008 resolutions!
1. be more responsible
2. learn to just be myself instead of acting clownish when i am nervous
3. be more in tune with other peoples feelings and stop being so oblivious
4. learn to live an organized life
5. be more healthy
6. stop tripping over things and being clumsy
7. be a good girl and please parents
8. follow more social rules and tune down my quirkiness
8 resolutions for 2008! i know its kinda over whelming, but these are the areas i want to work on. i know nothing is going to get better over night, but any improvement is improvement. lets hope this year is going to be g8!! even tho astrology says the next two years are going to be very challenging for me, but challenging times are the times of growth and changes. i will prepare myself the best way i can to work toward these goals.
HAPPY NEW YEARS EVERYONE! WISH ALL OF YOU THE BEST OF LUCK!
| | |
| i feel apathetic. maybe thats just how i have always been. i keep a distance, see what i see. if needed, i regurgitate what i see into words i speak. like a broken machine that translates visual into audio. spillage of words that may not have any meaning. a good thing that comes from apathy, is a lack of concern for many other things. concerned in a logical sense, but not in an emotional sense. i feel myself slowly morphing back into that person i used to be. faded into the background, with only a pair of eyes remain. not feeling, is in no way terrible. since without feelings, i am always at peace. sure i am never ecstatic about anything, but it can be worse. i can see myself sitting in the middle of a giant pound, with not a whisper of sound, not the slightest of a breeze. people ask too many questions. some are never meant to be answered. people desire too many things, some are never meant to be fulfilled. it is better to not wonder. the world is limited, life is limited, what we can experience in life is even more limited. yet, curiosity is a greed. a greed for novel experiences that may once again make us feel alive again. yet, few realizes, the more one seeks that experience, the less is there. the world only slowly closes its doors, and normal everyday life becomes a bore. life is like a vicious cycle. the more one does, the more one needs to do. the more one thinks, the more there are to think about. the more one seeks, the more is there to seek for. apathy... it removes almost all and everything. it puts distance between one and life. why not. life is a bitch, i can use less personal involvement. | | |
| so, there has been a shooting pain coming from my right side spreading into my right chest for the last 2 days... its been getting worse and worse so i decided to get it checked out today. the doctor says its shingles, cuzed by stress and compromised immune systems... symptoms involves severe pain and in some situations red blotches. the doctor says it will go away fast enough if i take medications, and i am now on codeine for pain management... but meds are to be taken 5 times a day and for 10 days... he also recommends meditation.... -_- codeine is supposed to make me very tired.... i will see how i manage... T_T | | |
|
